Big Bill Hell's Cars

Fuck you Baltimore!

Big Bill Hell's Cars is the meanest car dealer in the town of Baltimore, founded by the meanest sons a' bitches in the state of Maryland. Yeah, that's right, we sell cars! And not just any kind of cars, we mean...

Cars that break down!

A Ford Truck you can buy from us for only money

Big Bill Hell's offers the most diverse selection of shitty cars you wouldn't want to drive in your entire lifetime! These cars are usually bought from various crackheads around America such as your wife, your mom, and even from Toyota! They are all bought in extremely shitty conditions, and possess plenty of deformities such as a missing bumper, a whore's dead body stashed in the trunk or a malfunctioning gas pedal! We guarantee that the second you start the engine and drive it an inch, your car will immediately blow itself up to smithereens. But don't worry, you wuss, it's not like you can even start the car in the first place.

Not to mention, we also have... Good, no, THE FUCKING BEST deals!

That's right, motherfucker! We've got the best deals for cars in the world! Who wouldn't fall for a deal of five thousand American dollars for a shitty car that breaks down the moment you touch it? A stupid motherfucker? Oh wait, that's YOU. So hurry up and buy our shit, asshole!

We got prices that you could never afford with your fucking dead-end crappy job! Or any job for that matter! Even that fucking rich billionaire Bill Gates couldn't even afford prices this high! Your heard me! BILL GATES!!!

You think "I'm sure I can find a better deal someplace else..."

Then you can kiss my ass! Kiss it tenderly like you kiss your father's ass! If you do find a better deal (which is very unlikely), you can shove it up your ugly ass! You heard me right! Shove it up your ugly ass! Hell yeah! Such a deal you found only has its place inside the anus of the biggest loser in the world. Oh wait, that's YOU!!

You need to bring something when you go to your store?

We'll fuck them! That's right! We'll fuck them all six ways from Sunday. We'll even fuck your grandmother. That's right! We'll fuck that old shit! We don't care!

Not satisfied?

Then take a hike, asshole! We're the only car dealer that tells you to fuck off! Or, you could try... CHALLENGE CUMMING!

That's right, Challenge cumming! Don't know how it works? If you can cum in the air straight up, or in your wife's face, and not get any on you, you get no downpayment on any car you buy from us as a bonus!

So what are you waiting for? Buy and hurry up, asshole!

Your problemly thinking "What are the methods of payment?"

Big Bill Hell's accepts many different modes of payment, such as American currency, conflict diamonds, your daughter, or a stack of whores! You can also write us a check if you would prefer. But it better not bounce like your fatty man-tits or you're a dead motherfucker! Also, we'll rip your nuts off! That's right! We'll rip your nuts off! Because we think your a gay fucker! You heard me faggot! We think your a gay fucker!

So go to HELL!

Buy our shitty cars! You're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll buy all our fucking cars! Because your a stupid motherfucker! You're problemly retarded. That's right! Your retarded! Your IQ is so low on the charts, people will think you're a bag of dog shit. That's because you are a bag of dog shit!

So shut the fuck up and buy our shit!

Also, if your wife says that going here is a horrible idea, she just being a total bitch! That's right! Your wife is a female dog!