Laws of the Ren Motherland

The Laws of the Ren Motherland, as said by Ren.

Main Rules

 * OBEY ME YOU EEDIOTS!
 * IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, YOU DIE!
 * ONLY I CAN HAVE FUN!
 * ONLY MY MILITARY CAN HAVE WEAPONS!
 * NOBODY VOTES, I'M THE ONLY RULER!
 * NOBODY BORN HERE LEAVES!
 * I'M BETTER THAN EVERYONE IN MY MOTHERLAND, EXCEPT EVIKI! I LOVE HER!
 * DON'T CALL ME WEAK OR YOU DIE!
 * NO PLAYING IN OR ON MY CASTLE!
 * ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!

Media Rules

 * NO WATCHING TV AFTER 10 PM!
 * ONLY I CAN HAVE HIGH SPEED WIFI!
 * EVERYONE ELSE ONLY GETS HORRIBLE DIAL UP INTERNET
 * ALL MONEY MADE FROM COMMERCIALS IS MINE!
 * NO TABLET COMPUTERS
 * NO SMARTPHONES EITHER!
 * TV SHOWS ARE ABOUT ME!

Out in Public

 * NO WHINY LITTLE BRATS IN PUBLIC PLACES!
 * NO PERSONAL CARS! RIDE THE BUS!
 * NO DRINKING BEER UNLESS IT'S BREWED FROM REN TAVERNS!
 * NO SMOKING! Actually, smoking is only legal for worthless eediots.
 * BURGERS ARE SERVED AT MCRENS FOR ONLY GOOD EEDIOTS!
 * ONLY ANIMALS ARE NUDE OUT IN PUBLIC! PEOPLE WEAR CLOTHES! Except if you're a hot woman who wants to have sex with me. If you are an ugly woman, NO SEX!
 * DON'T BREAK PUBLIC PROPERTY OR MY GUARDS WILL BREAK YOUR KNEE CAPS!
 * BOW DOWN TO EVERY STATUE AND PICTURE OF ME!
 * NO SCREAMING!

Law Stuff

 * ONLY MY LAWYERS CAN SUE! NOBODY ELSE CAN SUE!
 * IF CHILDREN ARE BREAKING ANY OF MY LAWS, I'M DEPORTING THEM TO AMERICA AND SENDING THE PARENTS TO PRISON!

Personal

 * NOBODY BUT ME CAN HAVE SEX WITH HOT WOMEN!
 * ONLY STIMPY CAN USE GRITTY KITTY!
 * DON'T JUMP ON YOUR BEDS!
 * DON'T DRAW ON THE WALLS!
 * NOBODY CAN HAVE FUN STUFF!
 * IF YOU'RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER, YOU SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT MORE!
 * DON'T CUSTOMIZING YOUR HOUSE!
 * GO TO BED OR I'LL PUT YOU IN A COMA FOREVER!
 * NOBODY BUT ME AND MY GOVERNMENT CAN HAVE PORN!
 * NO TWERKING OR BEATBOXING!

High School

 * EVERYONE MUST GO TO HIGH SCHOOL!
 * IF YOU'RE SICK, STAY IN BED AND HAVE NO FUN!
 * I'M THE MASCOT OF THE SCHOOLS!
 * EVERYONE MUST KNOW I'M BETTER THAN THEM!
 * BOYS CAN'T DATE CHEERLEADERS! ONLY MY SON CAN!
 * ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT! IF NOT, LEARN IT! ALSO LEARN SPANISH!
 * TEACHERS GET ONE DOLLAR PER WEEK!
 * NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS OR I'LL BREAK YOUR LEGS!

Work

 * GO TO WORK!
 * NO VACATION TIME!
 * NO COFFEE BREAKS!
 * IF YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB, YOU ARE THROWN OUT!
 * ALL MONEY NOT USED IN PAYCHECKS IS MINE!
 * DON'T THROW PARTIES WITHOUT INVITING ME!
 * IF YOU LATE, YOU HAVE TO WORK ALL NIGHT!
 * NO WATCHING TV AT WORK!